B2BM's Biker Log

To the dozy twat who pulled out on me while I was overtaking him in the third lane of the M42, did you get your licence out of a lucky bag or something? I looked across at this idiot while I escaped past him and there he was, hunched over the wheel, eyes glued forwards, thumb up his bum and mind in bloody neutral.

I had a bit of a shock at the weekend. The GSXR 600 was due for its MOT and I thought I might as well get it serviced again at the same time. The shock was when Streetbike in Halesowen, the trusty motorbike dealer, rang me later to say that I’d done 14500 miles on it and it needed a more detailed looking at. I always use the trip counter so I can gauge how much fuel I have left and never use the odometer. I did not realise I had done so many miles on the bike in three years. Only a few things wrong with it though. That was a dirty butterfly valve in the carburettor that was sticking and a worn nylon bush on the gear lever. Streetbike say they’ll do the extra work at a reduced price. There amazing guys and I would recommend them to anybody

It looks like the Traffic Police were busy yesterday on the M5 during my trip down to Southampton. I saw a Traffic Police Officer on this bridge walking back to his car. A little further on down the motorway, I saw a car that had been pulled over by another Traffic Police Officer. Then a couple of hundreds further on there was another one, stopped this time by an unmarked car. Then further on yet another, then another and then still another further on. That was five in all. Looks like, as all the Traffic cars were busy, the policeman on the bridge didn’t think it was worth checking for anymore miscreants yet.

While riding the bike on more than one occasion, I have noticed a weird effect that I call now The Disappearing Bend. Every so often when I have come to a bend in the road, it feels like the bend has just melted away after I’ve gone around it and that there was no bend there at all. The way I like to take a bend, in the case of a left hand bend for instance, is to get the speed and gear sorted out before I lean into it, lean into the bend but staying wide until I can see the exit of the bend, then tip in towards the exit and gently accelerate out of the bend as I right the bike up. I then get this feeling of ‘Where’d that bend go?’

Riding along the A453 on the Burgman 125 from the M1 to Nottingham the other evening and cruising at a comfortable 60 mph, I came up behind a silver 4x4 plodding along at around 45mph. I proceeded to overtake the vehicle, getting to a point where I was just passing the front of his car, whereupon the driver who must have been offended by the effrontery of having a scooter overtake him, increased his speed and delayed the point at which I could complete the manoeuvre with a by then oncoming car approaching in the distance. Having finally got in front of the idiot, he then had the childishness to flash his headlights. Do some of the drivers of these overgrown Tonka toys have their brains transplanted with a lump of shit? It makes you wonder sometimes.

I was a bit of a numpty this morning on the GSXR when attempting to move out from a side road into a main road. I needed to sharpen the angle from what I was originally going to pull from. I stalled the engine and over the bike went. It was right at the front of a line of traffic too. I felt a right idiot. I was wearing full leathers so no injuries and I was able to cushion the bike’s fall with my leg so no damage was done to the bike.

I was pulled over again last Thursday night at around 10:00 on the way home from work on the Burgman. The traffic policeman, in a marked car, had followed me for quite a distance without me noticing. I had noticed a car following me but I thought it was someone playing about as his nearside headlight needed some angle adjustment.

I had been exceeding the limit but as it was not more then 20 over the limit and the roads, 40mph limit dual carriageways, were empty he was not too concerned about my speed. He did take issue with the fact that I had undertook a slower moving car that was in an outside lane. Actually I did the lane change to filter off to the left and the other driver was going straight on but I suppose that is classed as undertaking.

He would have given me another £60/3 points but as I said I had 9 already, he did not think the offence was worth a disqualification. I just got my fortune told again.

It shook me up a bit getting stopped again so soon after the last time. It made me aware that my road discipline has gotten lapse and needs some work, though.

No not another off, fortunately.

The police were having a blitz on the Small Heath dual carriage way in Birmingham this morning. I was caught doing 56 in a 40mph limit on the Burgman 125. They pinged me from 700 feet away. I could have been doing that I suppose. The sunlight makes the speedometer hard to read at times. Not that I spent that much time staring at it anyway as I thought I was riding at a safe and appropriate speed.

I somehow feel like I fell foul to that situation that has to allow for the lowest common denominator, the driver who can’t judge an appropriate speed for the conditions himself and has to be told by signs that have to be set at a limit to cater for the most stupid of them. It’s a long straight road with no side turnings except towards the end of it.

Cheeky beggars weren’t that noticeable in the distance. Though the guy that stepped out to wave me in was wearing a Hi Viz vest, the guy behind the tripod and camera wasn’t. He was in black.

The PCSO who filled out the form made a mistake stating that the scooter was a manual and it is in fact an automatic, lol… hmm, wonder if that makes the ticket invalid.

I had a few panic stricken moments after one of the multitude of police persons there, about 10 I think, asked for my tax disc and I pulled out an out of date one for the c*r from my wallet by mistake. There followed a hurried search for the proper one, hoping to God I had it in my wallet.

I’m not complaining though as I had it coming. I am, while I think safe, definitely no saint when I am riding. So that’s 9 points now. 3 of those dropped out the totting up range a year ago and three more will drop out of the range in September.

You don’t half get some idiots on the road. The other morning on the way to work on the Burgman 125, I happened to filter to the front of a queue of traffic on the A45 out of Birmingham and angled the bike slightly across the bows of a light green hatchback in the inside lane of the dual carriageway so he would see I was there.

The lights changed and I pulled away only to have this clot immediately race up close behind me blasting his horn. I pulled away at a fair old speed so I couldn’t have held him up. He continued this childishness for a 100 yards before pulling sharply out into the outside line to overtake me but came up close behind a slower moving car shortly ahead of him. Fed up with all this I pulled away to try and leave the idiot behind. Fully thinking he’d soon catch up, as the Burgman tops out at 70mph, but glancing back in the mirror I saw that another biker, who was alongside me at the lights, seemed to have slowed down to hold him back about a hundred yards behind. Thanks whoever you are if you did.

The idiot did manage to catch up finally on the off ramp to the airport, where he pulled up alongside and tried to swerve into me. This left me only one option and that was to undertake the car in front using what looked like a cycle lane so as not be squished. Apologies to the person in that car whoever you are. As for the idiot in the hatchback, it was probably the wrong time of the month for him.

I nearly got wasted this morning on the bike. Commuting to work on the Burgman, I pulled up at some traffic lights. Then I heard a car screeching and skidding behind me. Looked around and some muppet in a blue saloon was inches from my back tyre.